Do you miss me yet? I thought not. You require a great deal more intellectual fortitude to realize the veritable gold mine you squandered through your ineffectual and infantile dealings with me. Had you demonstrated the ability to pull yourself away from your Fantasy Football stats long enough, you may have developed an appreciation for my efforts. After all, I made you look pretty damn good in the eyes of your superiors.
Now that the dust has settled from my expeditious departure, I pity you. You have many realizations to attain. In your measly quarter century of life, you have not been able to reach the conclusion that a simple "hello" may have precluded my single-sentence, two-word Letter of Resignation. Your chronic scowl will create deep furrows in your brow, rendering you unattractive to future objects of your desire when your spouse inevitably divorces you. One more bit of advice: While it may seem warm and comforting, opting to keep your head up your own ass is not only painful to observe, it may result in permanent damage to your cervical vertebrae.
Yes, you are a "little fucker." Though that quote was derived from a private conversation on my personal cell phone while I was off the clock, I stand by my statement. I own it. I admire it. I'm proud of it. No apology has, nor ever will, fall from these lips.
What can I say? I call 'em like I see 'em.
Now that the dust has settled from my expeditious departure, I pity you. You have many realizations to attain. In your measly quarter century of life, you have not been able to reach the conclusion that a simple "hello" may have precluded my single-sentence, two-word Letter of Resignation. Your chronic scowl will create deep furrows in your brow, rendering you unattractive to future objects of your desire when your spouse inevitably divorces you. One more bit of advice: While it may seem warm and comforting, opting to keep your head up your own ass is not only painful to observe, it may result in permanent damage to your cervical vertebrae.
Yes, you are a "little fucker." Though that quote was derived from a private conversation on my personal cell phone while I was off the clock, I stand by my statement. I own it. I admire it. I'm proud of it. No apology has, nor ever will, fall from these lips.
What can I say? I call 'em like I see 'em.
2 comments:
Dear Former Employee,
I want, I need, you to resume emplyment with us! None of us here, myself included realized how much we enjoy your sarcasm and invective. Please Sir, may we have some mo?
Please come back and save the store from my incompetence. I'm begging you!!
Yours contortedly
Cranius Rectus
What about drool?
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