Time Needs a Disclaimer

Just like every package of cigarettes, every bottle of alcohol, Time magazine needs to warn its readers of the consequences of consumption while occupying the commode. It should read something like:

Warning: Reading Time magazine while trying to take a dump may cause serious sphincter collapse and other irreversible colon damage.

What set my anus into a tizzy? The May 14, 2007 "100 Most Influential People" issue. More specifically, it was 10 Questions for Russell Simmons. There I am, contentedly settled in, anticipating some inane insight of some one I've never even heard of before sharing something that has less relevance to the world than the lint in my navel. You know, the usual garbage on which Time insists on wasting an entire page of print.

Suddenly, my eyes fall upon this drivel, my butt-hole puckers up, and that's the end of it for me. And, now, the multitudes of you that return to this site must suffer as I have. But I warn you: do not read this if your trying to make a curly. Read on, folks. This is a verbatim quote here. Believe me, folks, I can't make this shit up:

Do you think Don Imus should have been fired? Hoziah Outland, LEBANON, PA.

The dialogue is more important than Imus. The fact that we are discussing race is inspiring. I didn't care what happened to him. What he said was hurtful: the difference between those words coming out of a rapper's mouth and his mouth is that when a rapper says them, they are not racial. If I walk up to a black man on the street and say "nigger" with a blank expression, nine times out of 10 he would hug me. That is a fact.

Then it goes on to say:

Why should we erase the word "nigger" even though it won't make a difference in the whole scene of racism? —Jose Costa in Luanda, Angola
One, we want people to understand the messages that rappers are giving on radio. Two, because my children and my parents are likely to be offended by it and this is mainstream radio.

The fact is, Mr. Simmons, you are FULL OF SHIT! Why is it that when those words come out of a rapper's mouth, it isn't racial? Why exactly? Because it is, and you are full of shit. Or, are you basing your entire premise on the notion that the majority of rappers are, in fact, of the African American persuasion - except Vanilla Ice. I wonder, would you call him a racist if he used those words. And what of the Beasty Boys?

And, why is it exactly that a black man would hug you for calling him a "nigger?" Well, I would have to assume that it's because he probably knows who the hell you are and figures he can probably gain something from the transgression. That, and because you are FULL OF SHIT! So, which is it? Offensive, as you say it is to your children and parents, or is it a genuinely warm greeting of a stranger?

You can't have it both ways, dude. You can't be inspired by the dialogue on racism on one hand and calling your brothers niggers out of the other side of your mouth. That's just blatant hypocrisy. If you want to put an end to racism, if you'd like to eliminate these words from the collective vocabulary, then lead by example.

Or, get a sense of humor.