If you had the patience to muddle through my previous post you may have noticed the excess use of the term "Keloland." I will admit that, during my short tenure in this state, I have been conditioned to refer to the geographical area that KELO-TV serves as such. Each time I hear it I roll my eyes and force back down the bile that rises in my throat. But, you can't get away from it. I swear, it's like herpes. Just when you think it's gone away, it flares up in the most painful and irritating way.
I have surreptitiously devised a way to keep the vomit-level minimized during the news broadcasts that my significant other forces me to endure, all in the name of the weather report. (I think he may secretly have a "thing" for Don Jorgenson, but that's a whole other story.) I have come to the conclusion that the only way to tolerate these 30-minute segments of pure anti-intellectual garbage is with large doses of alcohol.
The rules are simple: Every time you hear the term "Keloland" you must consume an ounce of your preferred alcoholic beverage. I had to put a limit on the consumption level to avoid certain cirrhosis of the liver. That, and I wouldn't want to be held accountable for some college student's binge-drinking death .
The last time I played this game, the final tally was 58 uses of the word. That's close to one drink every 30 seconds. Talk about a buzz! I, myself, have never made it past the first ten minutes of each broadcast for fear of alcohol poisoning. I don't think my health insurance provider covers that condition.
To all my friends and family that I have left back in the Great White North: There's not much to see or do here, but I extend an open invitation to all to visit and participate in this uniquely South Dakota ritual. But, please bring lots of beer. American beer is like sex in a canoe - too close to water.
I have surreptitiously devised a way to keep the vomit-level minimized during the news broadcasts that my significant other forces me to endure, all in the name of the weather report. (I think he may secretly have a "thing" for Don Jorgenson, but that's a whole other story.) I have come to the conclusion that the only way to tolerate these 30-minute segments of pure anti-intellectual garbage is with large doses of alcohol.
The rules are simple: Every time you hear the term "Keloland" you must consume an ounce of your preferred alcoholic beverage. I had to put a limit on the consumption level to avoid certain cirrhosis of the liver. That, and I wouldn't want to be held accountable for some college student's binge-drinking death .
The last time I played this game, the final tally was 58 uses of the word. That's close to one drink every 30 seconds. Talk about a buzz! I, myself, have never made it past the first ten minutes of each broadcast for fear of alcohol poisoning. I don't think my health insurance provider covers that condition.
To all my friends and family that I have left back in the Great White North: There's not much to see or do here, but I extend an open invitation to all to visit and participate in this uniquely South Dakota ritual. But, please bring lots of beer. American beer is like sex in a canoe - too close to water.
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